Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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