I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
