sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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