Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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