i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
