we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
