somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
