I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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