I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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