almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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