Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
