Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
