it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
