i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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