I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
