I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
