all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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