soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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