I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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