Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
