He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
