Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
