sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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