I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
