You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
