She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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