I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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