I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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