god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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