I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
