Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
