Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
