he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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