Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
