I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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