we have officially lost it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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