Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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