my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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