we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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