I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
