your thong is hanging out like whoa
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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