please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
