You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
