he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
