i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
