That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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