i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
