I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
