my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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