you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sarcasm needs its own font
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
