in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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