so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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