I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
