i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
