ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
