Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
