you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
