You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A+ Viking dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
