I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
