i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
