just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
