you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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