i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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