he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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